Earlier today, I drove through Harrogate when the "Stand in the Gap" participants were prayerfully beginning their journey into Cumberland Gap, and I felt like I was supposed to stop in mid traffic like I would do for a funeral procession to show my respect. I did not participate, but witnessing this epidemic of perscription drug abuse has been a part of many aspects of my life for over a decade now, and I'm drained to my core from exhaustion and worry.
I've learned the most about prescription drug abuse from children. I've encountered children who have brought me pictures of themselves on the beaches of Florida, but they told me they were at Myrtle Beach. Some even said they had found a beach in Gatlinburg or Knoxville. Surely they had been coached to say that. To my knowledge, there is no mile marker one at Myrtle Beach, in Pigeon Forge, and in Knoxville. Totally innocent children were frolicking on the beaches of Florida when they barely had a roof over their heads at home. No parents on the beaches though. Wonder why? Those photos, of course, were more numerous before states started connecting data bases for medical information, but I still wonder if there are still children who are going to Universal Studios when they can't even go to the city pool at home.
Forgiveness is my greatest flaw. No parent on this planet has worked harder to teach her daughter the differences between right and wrong more than my mother, and no matter my age, I struggle with forgiveness the most. I feel like I hold grudges in spite of my mom's teaching, and that bothers me. I feel mature enough to handle any challenging situation that may come up, but I feel like a horrible failure when it comes to forgiveness. Letting go of disappointment is difficult for me, and I'm not sure I will ever truly live a life that is reflective of 7 times 70.
As I watched the news and read the reports about today's awe inspiring gathering of those whose faith led them to the geographical center of my life's story, I found myself prayerfully resisting the urge to be critical. I do not think I'm alone in this emotion. My first thought upon some recognition of familiar questionable faces in the crowd was to be bluntly verbal and critical, and I came so close to resisting my urge, but here I am tonight writing this blog because I feel like my heart will burst if I don't write it. It is my most sincere prayer that I will truthfully be able to express my forgiveness toward those who have harmed so many by illegally providing prescription drugs, but getting there is more than a 2+ mile walk for me.
(On a humorous note, let's all face it, if I had tried to wobble 2+ miles, I'm sure God would have carried me to the Gap, but I would have required some major oxygen once I got there.)
Among the crowd and its leaders were humble Christian leaders of our community who have worked tirelessly for months in organizing an effort to raise prayer to God and ask Him to heal our broken yet beautiful tri-state area. I have watched those leaders in interviews, observed their consistency from afar, and thanked God that they decided to do something to help from a very authentic and genuine place of prayer and faith. To say that "Stand in the Gap" was a step toward healing is true, but it wasn't until late tonight that I realized how that healing must affect me.
I know what I have to do, and I know it's going to take a while. I must foster and develop a shift in my perception. Until tonight, I have been focused on those whom I KNOW are guilty. I have been focused on those whom I KNOW are making this epidemic of addiction spread far and near. My worry has been consumed about children who are being exposed to far too much far too early, and we don't have enough safe places for them to go. My thoughts and my energy have been directed toward those doing what is wrong instead of those who are fighting for what is right. I have been emotionally and spiritually consumed with what is wrong instead of how I can do my part to make anything right.
The local paper dedicates its earliest pages to listing those who have broken the law. My name has been there before because I felt the urge to break the sound barrier as I drove north on 33. I've often wondered if that portion of the paper wasn't there, would the Progress sell any copies? What does that say about our community of readers?
I wonder if those who break the law feel some sort of empowerment and pride when they see their names repeatedly listed for dealing. What if we took that recognition away? I wonder what the result would be.
I wonder what would happen if we dedicated equal listing to positive announcements in our weekly news. The majority of the Progress is positive, and that's wonderful, but does "positive" sell papers? Goodness knows my friend, Allen Earl, does above and beyond his requirement to provide photos of student athletes to encourage their hard work. Considering that I'm not an editor, I have no idea of knowing if listing positive notes instead of negative legal reports would be feasible. But still...I wonder.
I also wonder how much effort I'd make to provide happy information to the Progress. Would I be willing to do my part and do so consistently? I'm willing to make a prediction that the Progress would suffer a great financial loss if its staff stopped listing the court records, and that says something about its audience. I'm a member of that audience, and I need to develop a shift in my thinking and start seeking out the good instead of the negative.
As a result of spectating "Stand in the Gap" for just a brief drive-by today, I have decided that I must start being attentive to what is good and positive first. I must focus my prayers and energy on those who are trying to make a change for the better in ours and neighboring counties. I know the difference between authenticity and hyprocisy, and I must let go of focusing on those who are masters of the latter.
Oh, how difficult that will be for me to do!
As with every societial movement, the question that determines its success is, "How will you do your part?" I promise; I will focus on those members of our community who are raising us up, who are doing that which is right, and those victims who are trying to start over. My focus will be on moving forward instead of lingering behind. I'm not much of one for talking about "energy," but I do truly believe that my efforts to exert positive energy through prayerful support of this work will be helpful.
Surely my small portion will help move us ahead of this epidemic that has supressed more citizens, destroyed more families, and made me question my own faith more than any crisis I have ever witnessed in my lifetime.
Today is my day one.
